Left, Right, and Centre: Episode 34 – Worst. Episode. Ever.


Wow, sorry devoted listener. We don’t know what happened. It was all going so smoothly, so nicely, then bad things started happening. Frustrating for all. Perhaps the failure of the show this week can be traced back to earlier in the evening (of the 20th of October), when Tim had his much-publicised coconut incident. Does failure beget failure? Well, there must be some explanation for the standard of this week’s show.


All that being said, the abjectness of show #34 did not prevent the Left, Right, and Centre masterminds from still reaching a higher peak than any Student Radio show all year (well, except maybe Gus and Miles – you guys are great). The show consisted of the following:



This week saw the discussion of an issue that has been bubbling in our minds for a little while now and was brought to the fore by the decision by U.K.’s Channel 4 network to screen, in the coming weeks, a series of race-related programs. Following on form this, we discussed an imaginatively titled 1994 book, The Bell Curve. The main assertion of The Bell Curve is that intelligence is a more able social indicator than socio-economic status or education level. Though the science was drawn from the mainstream, it was the conclusions of the authors – that, normally distributed, the IQs of African-Americans are approximately 1 standard deviation or 15 points lower than Caucasian Americans – that lead to sharp criticism, with many labelling it scientific racism.


Of course, the reasons for this differ, and it is the ambiguity of the book’s conclusion that has again lead to criticism from its detractors. Are the IQs of African-Americans lower on average than those of Caucasians because of genetic factors, or continuing social displacement and disadvantages? It’s an interesting issue, though a very delicate one.


Not so much seriousness! It’s RFN sans Law & Order sound effect!

If forced to choose a moment when the show started going wrong, this would probably be it. The sound was missing and we didn’t seem to have the stomach to right the ship.


Woman calls cops over stolen marijuana plants

Man finds rocket launcher while gardening

Boy feared lost on runaway balloon found hiding in parents’ attic

‘Balloon boy’ dad Richard Heene now has box – note: this turned out to be a great big hoax. Shame on you, Heene family!

Bitey 300lb man in dress tries to steal rum and cokeHeH

German police investigate kebab sauce after attack

Car thief was a bear

Black Bear cools off in beer fridge


The fun just keeps rolling because it’s Gameshow! Again with technical mishaps!

A bit of an explanation for this week’s Gameshow (because it was kinda complicated, and, at 10 minutes, one of the show’s longer segments) is necessary. Casey gave Chris, Tim and Mateo the brief before a song break to design a sport from scratch. It had to have it all, description of rules, how you win, and so on, so forth. When we came back from the song break, this is what the 3 contestants had [in order of announcement]:



  • ‘The Big Hunt’
  • Aim: to kill Tim.
  • Prize: Tim’s battered and bloodied corpse.
  • Contestants: approximately 6.5 billion.
  • Extra: bonus points for killing Tim when he is riding an elephant, eating, or sleeping.



  • ‘Cross country skiing + target shooting’ a.k.a. Biathlon
  • Aim: to ski large distances then shoot at targets. Missed targets result in distance penalty.
  • Contestants: some, I guess. Skiers with trigger fingers.
  • Extra: this is already a sport, so Tim could not win the game. He should have gone with this original idea of baseketball.



  • ‘The Human Race’
  • Aim: first one to evolve wins.
  • Prize: life and self-actualisation; the real good shit.
  • Contestants: all of them.
  • Referees: universally derided, weak, useless.
  • Extra: Tim pointed out that individuals are unable to evolve as such. Touché, Tim. 


Turns out Casey’s sole criterion was which of the games he would most like to play. And being an avowed wuss pacifist, who abhors violence and death, awarded the victory to Mateo’s noble but sadly flawed game.


Stick around for the songs.

Gold Digger by Kanye West, because Mateo ain’t messing.


You Are What You Is by the one and only Frank Zappa, telling Tim that it’s ok to be different.


North American Scum by LCD Soundsystem because, sentiments aside, Chris has been wanting to play something by LCD Soundsystem for a really long time.


The Weeping Song by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, because it was that kind of show.


So then, that’s it, innit? Our time is fast coming to an end. But for now, we’re still respectfully yours,

The Left, Right, and Centre holding group.



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