Left, Right, and Centre: Episode 35 – Untamed & Unashamed

03Nov09

Hello catastrophe waitress! Young ruffians! It’s time to be excited because Left, Right, and Centre is still on the radio waves, but be sad because their time is dwindling. Possibly the best radio hosts in the Southern Hemisphere, Casey, Timothy, Christopher and Mateo tried quite hard to make this week’s show a more pleasant listening experience than the previous week’s, which was besieged with technical and comedic problems. On this week’s show: Fascists! Fashion tips! Gameshow! Rapid Fire News! Music?

The Charming Adventures of the British National Party

Nicholas John ‘Peter’ Griffin, the head of the extremely objectionable British National Party, appeared on the BBC’s less questionable Question Time program (think a more venerable Q&A with less Tony Jones) this past week, stirring up no small amount of controversy. And he has been criticised from all sides, both by right-minded leftists complaining of his presence on the flagship program, and by members of his own party. The BBC itself has made no apologies for asking Mr. Griffin onto Question Time, and with ratings of over 8 million viewers, perhaps it’s not difficult to see why.

However, in amongst all the controversy and the BNP’s undoubtedly reprehensible policies, there was another debate to be had: to allow Mr. Griffin onto Question Time, or not? That was the question, and it was what the LRC chaps set out to answer.

The Charming Adventures of Pauline Hanson

Moving swiftly from one person with strong views on immigration and multiculturalism to another, and in a reminder of why the much-vaunted ‘Global Financial Crisis’ is not all bad, Mateo, Chris and Casey traipsed down to Target in the wee hours of the afternoon after being tipped off by an anonymous tipster (whose identity will be kept secret) that copies of Pauline Hanson’s 2007 autobiography, Untamed & Unashamed: The Autobiography were on sale for the low, low price of $0.05. That’s five cents. Yes. Down from a recommended retail price of $34.95. How sweet it was – the 3 young men between them bought the remaining 8 copies, partly for ‘the lulz’, and partly to prevent others from buying it.

Never one to miss an opportunity for opportunism (…), Left, Right, and Centre decided to give away copies of the former One Nation leader’s musings (sample chapter title “John Howard congratulates me”… WOW!) to the callers who had the best idea of what to do with it. And after a flood of literally 3 callers (thank you Michael from Norwood, Dom from Brompton, and Ben from Semaphore), we decided to award everyone copies! So they can be used for toilet paper, weaponry, anything. Just think twice about reading the thing.

Rapid Fire News

Enjoyed a glitch-free week (read: we had all the sound effects), so it went off without a hitch, really. Ace!

For sale: hotted-up chair, one driver only

Sicilian prefers prison to house arrest with wife

Man breaks 15 laws in 11 minutes

Bill Clinton’s tale of the night Boris Yeltsin went out for pizza

Man robs shop on way to interrogation: German police

Bank robber who only robbed on Thursdays jailed

Bunny Boiling: Rabbits burnt to fuel city

Man arrested for being naked in his own kitchen

 

Gameshow

Once more, required the 3 contestants to run through an intellectual gauntlet as set up by Casey, like 3 little hamsters, only with sitcoms instead of wheels and cheese. The name of the game, it was claimed, was to come up with an idea for a sitcom. The winner? Whoever made up the sitcom Casey most wanted to watch? The certain loser? Tim.

Chris amused us with his idea of Walter, the extraterrestrial robot who (that?) sets up a dating agency for death row inmates (seems like a wasted effort…). The titular character has to battle against his evil alien master Archibald, all while having some fun and helping hardened criminals find love!! Unfortunately, Walter cannot himself experience emotions, making it a bittersweet experience – or at least the cold, harsh, robot equivalent. The supporting cast of inmates were called Therese, Jonty, Nicholas, and Sarah.

Mateo proposed a sitcom following the wacky exploits of Quentin Crane, the older and much less successful brother of Frasier and Niles Crane. Quentin didn’t appear in any episodes of either Cheers or Frasier, as his domineering mother, who constantly admonished him for his failings, while doting on her two other sons, wouldn’t allow it. Quentin follows the titular character’s drifts up and down the east coast of the United States, trying to support his destructive methamphetamine habit. Hilarity beckons! Tagline: You’ll laugh, but mainly you’ll cry.

Tim didn’t have an idea, and so lost.

Casey ended up awarding the victory to Chris, admitting that while Quentin was a good idea, it wasn’t actually a sitcom, and was thus disqualified.

The Music

Weren’t featured on this week’s program. Instead, we heard:

Little Lion Man, by Mumford & Sons (RadAd feature CD)

Good Weekend, by Art Brut.

Why Can’t We Be Friends, by War

Sold My Soul, by up and coming local band The Honey Pies.

Can’t Steal My Love, by the Wilson Pickers.

That’s all, folks! Until you hear our dulcet tones again,

Sexually yours,

Left, Right, and Centre

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